So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize