Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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