hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
