I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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