I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
