Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Of course I have a pirate flag
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
