I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think people are normalizing furries
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
