i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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