i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize