Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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