Will you blow on my dice?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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