I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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