New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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