the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
