Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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