We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
