wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
