if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
