i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
