how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
