Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.