Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
