Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
