playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular