I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Girls should come with a carfax report
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.