WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
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Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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