I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?