Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I gave up sex with dolphins for you.

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  (815): I gave up sex with dolphins for you. http://tfl.nu/rt8h
  Replies (10) Good night (1292) Bad night (770)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.

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  (352): So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated. http://tfl.nu/ef34
  Replies (12) Good night (3047) Bad night (591)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."

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  (507): Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk." http://tfl.nu/biax
  Replies (15) Good night (4993) Bad night (528)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.

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  (773): I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys. http://tfl.nu/3mjd
  Replies (8) Good night (1064) Bad night (5445)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She tied me up with her honor cords...

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  (608): She tied me up with her honor cords... http://tfl.nu/y0v2
  Replies (29) Good night (11129) Bad night (1024)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.

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  (480): I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop. http://tfl.nu/wrzz
  Replies (15) Good night (1682) Bad night (5410)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  I miss vodka workout Fridays

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  (786): I miss vodka workout Fridays http://tfl.nu/gp5l
  Replies (5) Good night (2854) Bad night (933)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.

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  (440): I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body. http://tfl.nu/6n6i
  Replies (4) Good night (2060) Bad night (772)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...

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  (701): Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper... http://tfl.nu/oauc
  Replies (4) Good night (729) Bad night (2187)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.

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  (316): Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all. http://tfl.nu/i7x5
  Replies (5) Good night (1133) Bad night (1168)
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  (646): View more from New York

  We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.

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  (646): We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman. http://tfl.nu/a2vv
  Replies (8) Good night (593) Bad night (262)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.

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  (360): I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh. http://tfl.nu/fhs6
  Replies (4) Good night (728) Bad night (302)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life

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  (610): Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life http://tfl.nu/zhdb
  Replies (2) Good night (361) Bad night (518)
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  (+81): View more from

  And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.

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  (+81): And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other. http://tfl.nu/jk8n
  Replies (1) Good night (523) Bad night (271)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.

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  (508): Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming. http://tfl.nu/osws
  Replies (0) Good night (312) Bad night (153)

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