this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
