What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
