Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
