Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
