Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just pee around me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
