i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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