That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
