Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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