I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
