I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
