I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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