I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
