some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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