I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
