I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
