She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
