I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
