I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
