I just threw up on my dentist
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
