1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
