I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
birth control should be required to get into college
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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