I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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