'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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