I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
