why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
