So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
