What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
