My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
In America we eat man semen.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
