You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
