after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
