ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
