Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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