There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hippo gnu deer
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.