3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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