i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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