I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
