I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
