i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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