Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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