I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This toilet bowl is my home.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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