I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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