is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Michael Bay diarrhea
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
