i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
