i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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