is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
