didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
