honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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