u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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