id be glad to
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
