I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
