I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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