Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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